The Luxury of Lies

Comrades,

Why do we humans work so hard to hide our true natures and situations? Why do we build false realities (not lies, mind you) where the truth is buried under so much garbage and deceit that what we think we know, in the end, is nothing?

The holiday of Christmas has come and gone, and once again every good American boy and girl has overspent in the hopes of finding happiness...but again, that's for another time.

You will be shocked to find out that I am in fact married and have a child. Yes, for almost seven years, I have lived in the bliss that comes with the ultimate act of monogamy. My son, a strong-willed 18 month old, continues to amaze me every day with his new skills, words, and more.

It is these two people that brought me to the point of understanding the luxury we humans have to lie. It is not our ultimate luxury. No, that is hypocrisy...but that is for another time.

I currently sit at a fine mahogany table in Kansas City, Missouri. My wife and son are asleep, but I am not, because I am contemplating the amazing amount of lies that one family can tell each other. In order to understand this, you will need some backstory.

My wife has a cousin who we will call Alvina. Alvina had a baby not long after my wife, but unlike us, Comrades, Alvina was not married, nor was the father of her child divorced. It seemed that he had lied to her about his situation. In his desperate need to be with Alvina, he used the first reason for the luxury of lying: to get what one wants.
Alvina became pregnant, and he divorced his wife (though we now learned that the papers are not signed, which is another problem) to be with his growing son. This does not sound bad, comrades, but she was only seventeen, and he was only twenty-five. A major difference to be sure.
Upon meeting Alvina and this man (who we will call Bronco), I gave fair warning to Alvina's mother that this man had rather uncouth intentions for her little girl. She ignored me, which many know is a mistake of the highest order. I also warned her that her sweet, innocent little girl was also on drugs. She felt I was a liar. This leads to the second luxury of lying: comfort. Denial is a form of lying. The more we deny, the happier our worlds can be.

Fast-forward to today. It seems that sweet Alvina had a "seizure" the day before Christmas and had to be taken to the hospital. As a precaution, the doctors had to take blood and test it for anything that might have caused the seizure. And here is where lies become an issue.

It seems the blood turned up traces of Cocaine and Crystal Meth. Worse still, it is unclear how long dear Alvina has been doing those two distasteful drugs. Perhaps she was on them while pregnant....

She had been lying to her mother the whole time. "To spare your feelings," she told her mother today.
Lying to protect others. The third use of the luxury. We lie because the truth hurts. No one ever says, "Lies hurt." Why is that?

Back to the point. Alvina is a drug user, and it seems Bronco may be her supplier. Wait...it gets better. Alvina, low on funds, may have actually traded sexual favors for her drugs...but never told Bronco that she had no contraceptives nor birth control. Another lie. To get what she wanted, she told him she did.

Thus a boy was brought into the world. This boy has quite a mountain to climb if he is to be successful in the new world. If mother is the name of God on the lips of children, then this boy does not know God, for his mother has abandoned him at times due to the need to see friends...or score more Meth. He is being raised by his aunt (a sixteen year old girl) and his grandmother.

And so here I sit watching this tragedy unfold. My wife is unable to remove herself as she cannot afford the luxury of lying to herself about this. Her anger trumps to the ability.

So why do we lie?
1. To get what we want. More often than not this is why we bend the truth. Some larger than others. Billy wants a cookie, but did not eat his dinner. He will sneak the food to the dog and then say he ate it. Now...he gets his cookie. Harmless.
A man wants to have sex with a woman, but he is sick. Still, the need to procreate will force him to forgo telling his conquest of his ill nature...and will cause his new partner grief as well.
2. To create a happier world. To deny the truth is to lie. "I didn't lose," the athelete explains, "but rather the referee made horrible calls causing us to be unsuccesful." This is a lie to protect ourselves. "It's not our fault," the masses exclaim, and then will add a reason to help the denial. We lie here to protect ourselves...or so we believe.
3. To protect others. What's the harm of a little white lie? You're not fat in that dress. No, your voice is wonderful. Yes, you are the best teacher there is.
The most common lie is the one not for personal gain, but the protection of others. "There are no monsters," we tell our children, but we know full well that monsters exist. Dracula is less a story about vampires and more a story about the dangers of stalkers.

Of course I could be lying to you, comrades. The world could be a happy place where nothing bad happens. Just ask Bhutto....Hmm...maybe not.

Lies will never go away. My wife was lied to by her family about the situation here, and now she is being asked to help clean it up. I would be lying if I told you that I was happy about that.

Here endeth the lesson.