An Open Letter to Boston and the New England Patriots

Dear Boston and the New England Patriots,

I have to thank you. You have proven one of my lessons about the Epic Hero.

Before I explain, let me just add one thing:

You can suck it.

For weeks, the world has had to listen to the fans in Massachusetts talking about how Boston is, "The new Title Town," and how the Giants are just cocky and would lose big.

Simulations were run which showed that the Patriots would walk away with the game.

Pundits screamed about how boring the game would be.

And then there were the New England Patriots, who went out and not only trademarked the term "A Perfect Season," but also had 100,000 copies of a book printed called 19-0.

This is the classic example of the underdog, and it is an even better example of hubris. Let's start with the former.

For some reason, humanity loves an underdog. We always cheer for the little guy to overcome the obstacles. We develop a pathos with the underdog team or person or athelete or whatever, and we truly feel that we understand how that person feels.

"I've overcome obstacles, too," Joe or Jane Doe thinks. "That person (or team) is just like me. No one gives me credit either."

Even in The Bible we have an underdog. Matchups, like tonight's Super Bowl, are considered similar to David and Goliath.

If the pathos is not developed, then we still look at the underdog in an existentialist way. "I was wrong. The other team/person/etc. did have a chance." At the same time, the underdog also defines Existentialism. We look within ourselves to see what we should believe. If we think that the person being given little chance deserves more, then we are tied into the underdog.

Let's just say that somewhere Sartre is laughing.

As for hubris. Ah, the very essence of what's wrong with most heroes. New England got cocky. Bill Belichick, the coach, likes the play games when it comes to answering questions. Tom Brady felt that the predictions of anyone other than New England were silly. Boston fans and sports pundits felt this was a slam dunk.

And yet New York won. Wonder how Mitt Romney feels about this?

When we are on top of our game, regardless of the field, we feel indestructible. That feeling of never losing, never not winning, and then shouting that feeling at others is hubris. It's modern term is egotistical.

You were full of hubris, Bostonians and Patriot fans. You were so sure that New York would get killed. "45-21," I heard one guy say on the radio, "because the Patriots are the best team EVAH (accent included)."

The Epic Hero, such as Ajax, can become full of hubris, and it will lead to demise. Ajax believed he was above the law of the gods, and he paid for it with his life.

The Patriots believed they were better than everyone else in the NFL and walked with a swagger that was almost sickening...and yet they paid for it.

18-1.

Somewhere the 1972 Dolphins are laughing, because they are still the only true undefeated team.

Somewhere bookies are laughing at the amount of money lost by people who thought they had that sure winner in the Patriots.

Somewhere in Boston, a man in a Tom Brady jersey is crying into his beer about an NFL conspiracy and how "The Pats will be back."

And deep in their locker room in Arizona, the Patriot players are realizing that a team that doesn't win the championship and guaranteed they would is nothing more than a pretender.

Odysseus paid for his hubris in being lost for years and having to defeat over a hundred men after his wife. Achilles died partially due to his hubristic nature. Ego is healthy, but too much will kill you.

We usually forget the loser of the Super Bowl. This time...we'll remember the loser more than the winner.

This proves that there is no such thing as perfection. We have perfect moments, but those are short and last only in our memories. The Patriots have shown the world that perfection is truly divine and not for us.

So thank you New England Patriots and Boston. You're arrogance has allowed me to not only feel good about the chances that underdogs have in the modern world, but it allows me to instruct others on what happens and how we deal when our ego is suddenly deflated.

Thank you for showing the world that sometimes the best and brightest cannot predict the outcome. That sometimes our foibles get the best of us.

Of course, by not cheering for the Patriots...does that mean I'll be considered a terrorist?

And, of course, what do I know? I'm actually a Jets fan. I could be wrong.

Signed,

A guy who loves to see the underdog win.

The Second Commandment

Lesson Two.

Big Brother is Watching.

In the modern world, technology has made most, if not all, information available at your fingertips. The government knows this, but so does everyone else. Cellphone signals can be picked up, email and interweb chats can be copied, and people will even dig in the trash and recycling to find whatever information they can. The use of the Web has made things even easier than it used to be.

The most common practice of getting what you want when you can't pay for it is stealing someone else's identity. This is not a very hard practice. Find a poor soul who isn't smart enough to realize that the poor prince from Nigeria really is a drug addict in a basement in Des Moines, and convince him or her to send money. "All I need is a credit card/social security number/bank account." Whatever works.

If you apply for a job, the company will most likely do a background check that will include the FBI (are you a felon?), and possibly a Google search.

There is so much information about you out there, and the more you add, the easier it is to find you.

Of course, there are the simpler ways to track:
There are cameras everywhere.
The cable and satellite companies can track what channels you're watching and make "suggestions."
Banks keep track of your purchases and can call you if they "suspect" something.
Your computer gets updates to help it run better.

And yet, Comrade, I always remember what Mama Orwell always said:
"If you can see the Empire State Building...The Empire State Building can see you."

We are a voyeuristic society that enjoys peeking on everyone, yet we don't want someone else looking in on us.

If you want total anonymity, you have to go off the grid. This means no phones, no computers, no bank cards.
You work in cash, you store the money under the mattress, and you contact others by only face to face contact. That's how avoid Big Brother....
Or you call the phone company and ask if the government is paying its bills, and if they aren't you remove the wiretaps until they pay up. I mean $60,000 bills that aren't paid? And you're going to hound me on a $30 parking ticket? That's blasphemy, Comrade.

Be safe and careful. Don't be stupid and post pictures of yourself doing illegal activities, because someone will know.
Don't make threats over the phone, as someone is listening. Don't believe me? Look up The Conversation.

And if you must be watched, be boring. Because, Comrades, if you're life is boring, no one will want to watch...and that's when you can do fun things.

Here endeth the lesson.

Because, Comrade, You're a Dumbass!

Everyone knows the deal with the Eden Prairie Facebook debacle.

The problem I have with these kids is not the drinking. I know, as a teacher I should say, "Hey kids, don't drink...EVER!" That, however, is not going to happen, and I know that.

No, the problem I have with these kids is that they're idiots. In the new world, it's way to easy to find the incriminating evidence online.
These kids, Comrades, are idiots. Let me make that clearer: Hey kids, you're dumbasses!

Athletes: you signed a waiver promising you wouldn't do anything stupid like this...then you get pictures taken.

All of you: you posted pictures. Do you not understand that this goes with you? Let's say you decide to go for a job in a few years. If the company does a background check on you and, oh...I don't know...searches Google, they might come across those images.

What you write, what you post...if it's online, it's out there for the whole world.

You have to be careful, and you idiots, possibly believing that you're untouchable, don't show remorse or brain cells.

You're walkout was also pathetic. I'm not going to beat on the parents, because they should be embarrassed of kids like you who don't understand the true essence of the walkout. You used it as a way to get out of class...and you looked like idiots. Congratulations, those of you in the newspaper should enjoy having that hang over you as you apply to college or go for a job, dude.

A colleague of mine ran into this problem as well. His anonymity gone, his colleagues and students were reading his blog and gossiping about him. Then he made a mistake: he wrote about work. Bam! A colleauge printed some of his work and handed it into the administration who then debated about firing him (it doesn't matter what he wrote, what matters is that he wrote...period). They were afraid.
They're still afraid, except now the fear is less about him talking about the inner workings of his school, and more that he will do something that will make him end up on the front page of the newspaper.

And I know it frustrates him. His first mistake was posting, but his second mistake was appearing in a student's film project for a class. Now his every move is being scrutinized by the administration. He can't talk to the students, and it's making him unhappy.
He's, "just a dirty, old man," or he has, "an inappropriate relationship with the kids."
He stopped writing on his blog, because he was told he would lose his job if he didn't.
He's afraid. Of course, he also told me that he's also unhappy, because he can't fix his students' problems...but that's another story.

This colleague would be the first to tell you that he was a dumbass. He made mistakes.

Learn from what happened to him and from what I'm telling you: whatever you do...if you post it online...then EVERYONE will know. Don't be stupid.

Here endeth the lesson.

Understandings

"Why?"
It's the hardest, most frustrating, most pointed question in any language.

"Why me?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Why is the sky blue?"

"Why?"

The last is the hardest and depends on tone.

And yet, we have a desperate need to answer that question. Humans can't live in the unknown. We even tell those who don't ask, "why," they are ignorant.
Standing in the fields and cities, we look to the skies and stars and ask, "Why are we here?"

The worst, however, is when someone looks at you after you present a gift and asks, "Why?"

I recently gave someone a nice gift. I didn't mind that she asked me why as I know it was a total surprise.

What bothered me was the response from others.
"Why did you do that? You're not even that close."
"Why? I've known you longer...I should have been given a gift like that?"
"Why? I mean what are you trying to get out of this?"

Look, here's the bottom line:
I don't need a reason.
I did something nice for a person I respect and care about. That's it. If you're desperate for a reason, then pick and choose from these:

Because I can
Because I knew how much she wanted it going all the way back to the beginning of vita.mn
Because sometimes the very thought of making someone happy is enough to push back the cynicism for another day
Because Karma exists
Because sometimes, comrades, we don't need a reason. We truly can be selfless.

I did something nice for a person who many would argue I barely know. I would say I did something nice for someone who has never put me down, who has never judged me, and who has never used me.

I did something to prove that good things come to those who wait.

If you can't fathom that, then you don't understand the idea behind "why"....

Here endeth the lesson.

Bill Gates...Has a Sense of Humor?

Tonight, Comrade, was the 2008 CES keynote address.
While most of it was pretty boilerplate ("Here's what to expect from technology in the next few years."), Gates did include a short video of what his last day as CEO of Microsoft will look like.
Highlights:

Gates cuts a track with Jay-Z called, "Pimp Master Bill." Yes, this was Bill Gates rapping...and it was bad.

The Master of Microsoft sends an audition tape to Steven Spielberg. Scenes include Gates as Wolverine and as...Napoleon Dynamite.
Spielberg then calls Clooney about playing Gates, who whines about not being able to do it.

Next, he starts calling pundits. First it's Clinton to see if she wants a running mate. She declines.
He calls Obama and says, "Barack...it's Bill."
The response?
"Bill...Shatner?! How are you."
"No...It's BILL."
"Clinton?" Obama asks. "Does SHE know you're calling?"

There's also a scene with John Stewart where Gates asks, "Can I be a co-host of the [Daily] show?"

Gates, in what is easily my favorite section, calls Bono and pulls him off stage to make him listen to Bill's Guitar Hero playing. Bono listens and then says, "Oh for fuck's sake, Bill. I already told you we don't have any room in the band."

You have to love a guy who's willing to poke fun at himself and throw around a ton of money to get celebrities to help you.
No one will probably remember (or care) what Gates says tonight, but they'll remember the video.

When it is posted on Youtube (and it will be), I'll update with a link.

Here endeth the lesson.

Update: yeah...I thought so.

The Luxury of Lies

Comrades,

Why do we humans work so hard to hide our true natures and situations? Why do we build false realities (not lies, mind you) where the truth is buried under so much garbage and deceit that what we think we know, in the end, is nothing?

The holiday of Christmas has come and gone, and once again every good American boy and girl has overspent in the hopes of finding happiness...but again, that's for another time.

You will be shocked to find out that I am in fact married and have a child. Yes, for almost seven years, I have lived in the bliss that comes with the ultimate act of monogamy. My son, a strong-willed 18 month old, continues to amaze me every day with his new skills, words, and more.

It is these two people that brought me to the point of understanding the luxury we humans have to lie. It is not our ultimate luxury. No, that is hypocrisy...but that is for another time.

I currently sit at a fine mahogany table in Kansas City, Missouri. My wife and son are asleep, but I am not, because I am contemplating the amazing amount of lies that one family can tell each other. In order to understand this, you will need some backstory.

My wife has a cousin who we will call Alvina. Alvina had a baby not long after my wife, but unlike us, Comrades, Alvina was not married, nor was the father of her child divorced. It seemed that he had lied to her about his situation. In his desperate need to be with Alvina, he used the first reason for the luxury of lying: to get what one wants.
Alvina became pregnant, and he divorced his wife (though we now learned that the papers are not signed, which is another problem) to be with his growing son. This does not sound bad, comrades, but she was only seventeen, and he was only twenty-five. A major difference to be sure.
Upon meeting Alvina and this man (who we will call Bronco), I gave fair warning to Alvina's mother that this man had rather uncouth intentions for her little girl. She ignored me, which many know is a mistake of the highest order. I also warned her that her sweet, innocent little girl was also on drugs. She felt I was a liar. This leads to the second luxury of lying: comfort. Denial is a form of lying. The more we deny, the happier our worlds can be.

Fast-forward to today. It seems that sweet Alvina had a "seizure" the day before Christmas and had to be taken to the hospital. As a precaution, the doctors had to take blood and test it for anything that might have caused the seizure. And here is where lies become an issue.

It seems the blood turned up traces of Cocaine and Crystal Meth. Worse still, it is unclear how long dear Alvina has been doing those two distasteful drugs. Perhaps she was on them while pregnant....

She had been lying to her mother the whole time. "To spare your feelings," she told her mother today.
Lying to protect others. The third use of the luxury. We lie because the truth hurts. No one ever says, "Lies hurt." Why is that?

Back to the point. Alvina is a drug user, and it seems Bronco may be her supplier. Wait...it gets better. Alvina, low on funds, may have actually traded sexual favors for her drugs...but never told Bronco that she had no contraceptives nor birth control. Another lie. To get what she wanted, she told him she did.

Thus a boy was brought into the world. This boy has quite a mountain to climb if he is to be successful in the new world. If mother is the name of God on the lips of children, then this boy does not know God, for his mother has abandoned him at times due to the need to see friends...or score more Meth. He is being raised by his aunt (a sixteen year old girl) and his grandmother.

And so here I sit watching this tragedy unfold. My wife is unable to remove herself as she cannot afford the luxury of lying to herself about this. Her anger trumps to the ability.

So why do we lie?
1. To get what we want. More often than not this is why we bend the truth. Some larger than others. Billy wants a cookie, but did not eat his dinner. He will sneak the food to the dog and then say he ate it. Now...he gets his cookie. Harmless.
A man wants to have sex with a woman, but he is sick. Still, the need to procreate will force him to forgo telling his conquest of his ill nature...and will cause his new partner grief as well.
2. To create a happier world. To deny the truth is to lie. "I didn't lose," the athelete explains, "but rather the referee made horrible calls causing us to be unsuccesful." This is a lie to protect ourselves. "It's not our fault," the masses exclaim, and then will add a reason to help the denial. We lie here to protect ourselves...or so we believe.
3. To protect others. What's the harm of a little white lie? You're not fat in that dress. No, your voice is wonderful. Yes, you are the best teacher there is.
The most common lie is the one not for personal gain, but the protection of others. "There are no monsters," we tell our children, but we know full well that monsters exist. Dracula is less a story about vampires and more a story about the dangers of stalkers.

Of course I could be lying to you, comrades. The world could be a happy place where nothing bad happens. Just ask Bhutto....Hmm...maybe not.

Lies will never go away. My wife was lied to by her family about the situation here, and now she is being asked to help clean it up. I would be lying if I told you that I was happy about that.

Here endeth the lesson.

The First Commandment

A decalogue, if you are unaware comrade, is a series or list of imperatives. There are ten commandments in the Christian Bible. That is the first decalogue.

Here, however, I have my own set of commandments by which I live. Over the course of time, I will share those commandments with you, starting with the first.

All Animals Are Equal, But Some Are More Equal Than Others.

In the modern world, there is a class system. There is no doubt about this. There is the easy class system to see: The Rich and The Poor. The Rich will always be rich and will continue to become more so everyday. The Poor, on the other hand, will become poorer as I finish writing these words.

This is life.

However, there are other ways that we see this class system at large. The informed and the ignorant, the willing and the lazy, and the givers and the takers.

And yet, everyone always wants what the other has. It is human nature to desire power, wealth, and recognition. The Rich may have large houses, multiple cars, and fancy toys, but this does not mean that they are happy. They look for more in both directions. Those who have more money than them make them feel lesser, while those with less money can be (and in many ways are) happier to have fewer burdens.

The Poor, however, stare up at The Rich and wish for that fame, money, and power.

The problems start when The Poor do not realize how they are being used by The Rich. Politicians are a perfect example of this. Photo ops, for instance.

The rich politician makes time in the so-called "Ghetto" to show how he or she is of the people.

I see this in education as well, comrades. Those in non-advanced classes (usually called regular) are treated differently. These children even come to believe that because it is a "regular" class, that the minimum effort is more than enough. The advanced children, then, are the haves in this situation. These children know they are in a class beyond their peers, and so they believe they are entitled...not unlike the Rich.

Unfortunate as this struggle might be to watch, it is necessary to life. Without this struggle, what would man have to strive for at the end of the day? The Poor are desperate to have what the Rich own, but the Rich are desperate to have the serenity and simplicity of the Poor. It is a symbiotic relationship.

Remember, comrades, that no matter what anyone tells you, life will not always be fair. It can't be, because there are six billion people in the world. If we all lived in that Utopia, life would be boring.

Here endeth the lesson.